Thursday, October 8, 2009

Home At Last

Finally the long struggle to cope with my mother's declining ability to care for herself has come to some resolution. This past Monday we moved my mother to a nursing home in Amherst, about a half-hour drive from where we live. All told, it took six or eight months to get the move accomplished. First, and still continuing, the struggle was with my mother, who failed to see the necessity of a move to a nursing home. Secondly, I worked very hard, and seemingly without progress, to find a home that I liked and to comply with all the paperwork required.

Eleanor's new home.

So this is not to say that I am now without stress over my mother's condition, but I hope that the stress eating diminishes somewhat since she's now in a safe place, and I can lose the 30 or so pounds I gained during the lead-up period. There's nothing like soothing yourself with comfort foods except they do not go down without a trace - unfortunately.

All I have left to do (hah!) is to go to the apartment she's lived in for the past 31 years and clean it out. No problem!


The Artist Within Us said...

As both my parents are deceased I did not have to go through what you have these last months. It is not easy for someone to give up their independence when one considers her haven was her apartment for three decades.

There will be more tension I am sure, especially as you decide what to do with her belongings, considering that these items are the very identity of your mother.

As I am getting on in age, I have slowly started to relinquish that which can be given away, while setting aside the valuable items and those I would want with me wherever I go.

You will be threading on thin ice when it comes to what your mother feels is important to her and what is not, along with the fact that she is now in a nursing home with its own rules.

May time be your guide.

Enjoy the weekend

Leslie Avon Miller said...

Life. It always pulls us. I hope you get art time soon, find treasures when cleaning out your Mom's place and that those 30 pounds dissolve away in no time. I also hope your Mom finds herself happy in her new home.

sukipoet said...

All that you are working with here are difficult things. I actually moved in with my mom two years ago for what turned out to be the last year of her life. The illnesses she struggled with in the end allowed her to be home until she died and I feel glad that i helped out with that. HOwever any sort of physical debility would have presented the nursing home option.

I then spent months going through mom's things. As I am still lingering on in her home (now my brother's) I am still on her territory and among her furniture and it is painful.

All these changes that life brings. Sending prayers for your mom, may she adjust with ease to her new situation and to you as you continue to sort out all the facets of growing older.

Nancy Natale said...

Thank you all for your comments and support in this very difficult life task. I really never imagined that I would have to deal with such heavy duties and responsibilities, but I have stepped up to take charge and do what needs to be done. I was not the oldest of four and only daughter for nothing!

There is no dispute with my mother about what goes or stays because her dementia has taken her beyond knowing or caring about what are now minute and forgotten concerns. I went through her apartment this weekend in a whirlwind of cleaning, packing and disposing. Her lifetime accumulation of things was taken away to the dump by my brother today and all that is left are those things she gave away while she still knew she had them and the carload that I kept - mostly for my studio and to use in art.

This has really made me want to pare down my belongings to the minimum and take a much harder look at what I choose to keep. In the end, it's all detritus.